CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
MY HEART SINGS
andrea
18Oct
THE COUNT.
It's tomorrow.
Really can't believe it.
I AM EXCITED cos it'll be a new chapter to add to my life in serving God.
I am going to join thechurch in JB, a brand new chapter for myself as well as my church!
Though my tired smile doesn't quite express it, I REALLY AM IN AWE of what ever that's going to happen.
Today, was different, different from other days which were different too.
I was struggling before net rally.
Struggling to find peace.
It felt different while I was at church office, it was a light joy to be helping out, but just reaching tiong, I felt my heart sink.
Tired, unexplainable exhaustion and just mood swings.
Yes I think I do know why, and I had to do something about it.
I was uncomfortable, the atmosphere which i stepped into was flooded with negativity, my mind began its cycle of thoughts.
I began to cry out inside.
Crying out for a release, a release from my usual weekend struggles.
But God had me straightened out at the right time,
He had my heart open to receive the encouragement, to receive the joy that my net members shared about their lives, and He had me in His hand this whole time when He knew I was going to fall.
As much as I like to use the monthly thing as an excuse to avoid the moodiness,
it's not that.
Not it at all.
Just things I need to settle with God and my heart, though externally everything seems okay.
Last night, talking to tanzy and coming clean with her about my own thoughts, made it a step toward relieving myself of the guilt that our friendship went down hill. The faults we both had was never dealt with but last night, things were clear, it was never about judging, it was never about cheating. It was how we both as girlfriends were going to deal and accept each other's faults with that same amount of love and respect and not change it over committed mistakes.
Reading a short message from Aunty Jacq, and it was encouraging to know that I am on the right track.
I'm glad that this is happening. I guess a needed break from the routine of my weekend life and replacing it with a great purpose of serving God.
Just pray that I can cast aside those thoughts and take on the desires of God to go all the way for Him. I keep pulling myself back which is frustrating, and I need to fix on the armour of God to protect myself so much more.
It'll be a tough road ahead as I seek God to deal with my life as well as push me on.
I am ready for this challenge. :)
I suppose it's not wrong to say that I DO NEED this challenge to make me stronger and soldier on. This is me, my identity. xoxo♥you know you love me 11:20 PM
